..domestic fairy..

I want

to be a domestic fairy..I want to bake coconut cupcakes & sprinkle them atop a 3 ~ tiered vintage cake stand..I want colorful kitchen towels and a white kitchen aid mixer for my counter..I want a child to

cherish & raise..I want a puppy to curl up with me on the sofa & smile at me while I stroke her for hours..I want red lipstick..I want to be putting the finishing touches on my home instead of crawling through the beginning..I want to be at the 1 year mark for my job and our new dwelling..I want my blonde hair to always look poofy & perfect without ever fixing it..I want those little poochy parts on my body to disappear..I want to be happy & celebrate everyday of this beautiful life..I want to be kind and grateful and never ever greedy..I want to feel more fulfilled..I want to feel less lonely..I want to go to church with my family on Easter & have a very blessed day (maybe wearing a flowy dress & a flower in my hair)..

..let's celebrate life..

..even if I don't make either of my goals for this year, I will praise You..even if I lose certain friends because I can't spend money like I used to, I will praise You..even through all the changes in our lives, we will praise You..tomorrow at my mom's birthday dinner, we will celebrate life & we will praise You..even if I can't see right in front of me, I will smile at the fog & I will praise You..even if I walk the streets of my home town instead of Paris, I will praise You..

"There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear."

..with love..

My chest actually aches

with love for him

&

with desire that our

marriage won't come to an end

&

that he won't hurt me & I

won't hurt him

..tomorrow morning..

Tomorrow morning if you wake up and the sun does not appear

I will be here

If in the dark, we lose sight of love hold my hand, and have no fear

'Cause I will be here
I will be here

When you feel like being quiet

When you need to speak your mind

I will listen and I will be here

When the laughter turns to cryin'

Through the winning, losing and trying

We'll be together 'cause I will be here
Tomorrow morning, if you wake up and the future is unclear

I will be here

Just as sure as seasons were made for change our lifetimes were made for these years

So I will be here
I will be here and you can cry on my shoulder

When the mirror tells us we're older

I will hold you and I will be here

To watch you grow in beauty

And tell you all the things you are to me

I will be here
I will be true to the promise I have made

To you and to the One who gave you to me
Tomorrow morning, if you wake up and the sun does not appear

I will be here

Oh, I will be here

(Steven Curtis Chapman)

..perfect Sunday..

tip tap of rain on my bedroom window

(i love rain)

snuggling

(more than snuggling)

breakfast date

(my favorite kind)

book shopping

(short stories of F.ScottFitzgerald..because i loved the cover)

3 hour nap on our beautiful new sofa

(instead of reading)

my gorgeous husband decided to make apple cobbler

(for dinner)

a fireplace & too many smooches to count

(my cup runneth over)

..fickle friends..

some friendships are a life long constant thru blessing & trial . they enrich our lives . they are our chosen family..some friendships have a season or chapter in our lives . you can't help seeing their face in all your memories of those days, months, years and then life moves on and separates you..then there are other friendships in particular that I don't understand at all . they are of the flash~in~the~pan variety . in the beginning it is perfection . shared encouragement in the Lord . fun similarities make it seem so effortless . then out of nowhere it's gone . only then do you make the association between their friendship & the maffia . leaving you feeling drained of life rather than full . I am not looking for a second marriage or a second job . harsh I know, but feeling the need to protect my little life after giving too much & having it not be enough..the end

..for Christiana..

..une question..

..Do our bodies change over time, or is this just a myth?
I find I need the answer to this in order to psychologically move on past this point in my life with purpose & inspiration.. It feels far more difficult than it has previously for me to lose weight. Not a ton..just the 10 pounds it takes for me to feel comfortable in my own skin again. That makes me not dread going to dress myself in the morning (and keep reaching for the black~empire waisted~jersey dresses). I do not have the same will power for not eating at night (my biggest proven strategy)..and when I am good about it, I find it takes a lot longer to make a difference (which is of course discouraging enough for me to go ahead and split the pizza with Jake for dinner..leaving me in this particular place...frustrated to the point of hopelessness). I need to find what works for my body (and spirit) now..since it's obviously evolving. I still have a die hard love for pilates. I even have the Winsor pilates dvd series that kicks my ass. Do I need to start doing one on one sessions in order for me to see the change I'm craving? I've been referred to someone I'm sure is amazing..she even has her studio on Balboa which sounds like a dream situation. One problem: there go any non~fitness~related financial goals I have (which is not acceptable to me). So, it's back to the dvds. I have this sneaky suspition that consistency is my missing link between the way my body has worked in the past & my new slightly more mature body. This is going to be a hard lesson for me as it's one of my biggest weaknesses. I am not resigned to giving up just because the rules have changed on me. After all..I still have visions of me in my 40's looking like Elle McPherson, or Gabrielle Anwar..

..or better yet, like me at my best.

(guess that means I should toss the ciggies too..)

..papillon..

I want one..

and I want to name her Gypsy.

..for my gorgeous husband..

the way you smell when you're leaving for work makes me dream of endlessly cuddling with you on our sofa..everything in me cries "don't go"..but I know you have to.

I'm sorry that I forget so often how much you love me..I think I would frustrate you less if I could somehow remember you really want to make me happy.

I still can't believe you're my family..that makes me feel so smiley & content.

Thank you for cherishing me.

I'm so glad we went to church yesterday..it's good to worship God together..and it does me so much good to see you like that.

I adore you.

..i love rainy days in..

I love rainy days in

Cat Power & Adele music in the background

Making a whole pitcher of chai tea to last while I mull over life

..and my new Fresh candle

intoxicating

..learn to speak your husband's language..

My gorgeous husband & I thought we had very little in common. When we found something we would even celebrate with a little high five and a smooch. See we knew this going into our marriage, which makes it all the more exciting to realize how much we actually do have in common.

We've just been speaking a different language.

For example we would both have the same picture in our head of how we would decorate the livingroom..

He would use words like "dark, old english reading room"..which would make me picture a stank little dusty room with no windows (not ok with me). I would of course frown and describe my ideal living space like this.."soulful, jazzy, dark vintage 20's accents in a light airy room." Which brought laughter to his face (this of course infuriating to me)..nevertheless we had a long ~ overdue discussion of word definitions..what we actually mean.

Only to find we had nothing to fight about.

Priceless.

I highly recommend it, kittens.

You will cry tears of joy as I have done.

Hear's to being on the same team.

..

I bought a magnolia tree..

and I'm in love with it.