O, life..
Why won't you be what I want you to be. How must I have the courage to be discontent with so much? I know I am blessed. I count the wonders I've been afforded daily. With thankfullness.
It all means nothing without love.
I will wait..for him to miss me again. To call me just because he needed to hear the sound of my voice. To look forward to coming home to me. To consider me his best friend again..genuinely. To think of ways to make me smile. To send me a dirty text because he can't get me off his mind. To not be so burned out that the thought of a child (or even a puppy) turns him into a jerk. To actually love the idea of having a baby with me. To stop thinking of my domesticity as a curse he has to deal with. To realize that everything I do, and buy, and wear is to make him fall back in love with me.
So I will wait for that.
"If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails."
3 comments:
I will wait with you and hold your hand and drink chai and smoke cigarettes and wonder and pray, but mostly I think I will just wait
till his heart and eyeballs start working together again.
Because if they were working together right now, he would see how marvelous and wonderful and beautiful and amazingly made you are.
I am a good mirror. If you ever forget what you look like--who you are, what I see--just call me. I will show you. Every single time.
I love you.
My heart is aching for you.
I wish I could be there to hold you and tell you how dazzlingly beautiful and charming and lovely you are.
But you don't need that from me - you need it from him. And so I will anxiously anticipate with you the day that he realizes how desperately you need him to expresses to you all that I know he feels and believes about you.
In all the ways you need.
It's coming, love.
Thank you my lovelies. I felt so vulnerable writing this, because it's not constinuously how I feel. It's a moment in time & it's honest. I also don't want you to think badly of my husband. He's dealing with many trials of his own..and we love each other very much.
I also happen to adore both of you..thank you for your sweet words.
<3
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