..morning fog..

..Interesting phenomena happening around year 2 1/4 of marriage.. So there's this thing happening inside me, and it's hard to explain so be patient with me. For the first time since I've been married, I find myself in those moments when it's just you..the real you..driving in your car, or putting on makeup, or walking through your favorite store..and you're suddenly aware of how much you feel like yourself. The self you've known your whole life..not necessarily the "newly ~ anything" self you'd become accustomed to. I find myself thinking thoughts that include dreams I had for myself pre ~ wedding..pre ~ engagement even..like it's not the only marker on my timeline anymore. It feels good. It feels free. The way I love to feel..and the only way to feel this way when you're in love must be after the morning fog burns off. I don't love my gorgeous husband any less than the day we said "I do", in fact we've grown to love each other so much more. There seems to have come a level of intimacy..a level of knowing each other..a level of comfort that warms my soul. As much as I used to think I loved change, I find I'm happiest..most full of joie de vivre in the comfort of stability..and I feel stable. Are we imperfect? Yes. Can either of us still deeply hurt the other? Bien sur. But my nerves aren't on edge waiting to be hurt anymore. The sense of dread that comes with new vulnerability has quietly become a lovely sense of warmth..the way baby birds must feel cozied up in their nest. I love my gorgeous husband..and he loves me.